Defects in the paper Too many “To be” Verbs and Umbrella words. Essay has issue being Too Direct, it needs to be completely avoided. No Quotes as Start of a sentence. More information for editing is being attached.
Funnel Introduction – Captivating attention grabber, two sentence bridge statement, and organized thesis.
Body Paragraph – appropriate method of development, topic and concluding sentences that function in an appropriate fashion, illustrates a main point and three sub-points per body paragraph, writer constructs his/her essay using sophisticated details, writer implement authentic emotion to illustrate sincere meaning of the passion described.
Inverted Funnel Conclusion – restated thesis, summary sentence for each body paragraph, relevant return to attention grabber (Do not reproduce word for word from Funnel introduction).
Organization – Writer uses order of importance to logically organize ideas, and writer uses methods of creating transitions within and between paragraphs to establish unity. Writer uses devices within paragraphs and hooks between paragraphs to create fluency in the text.
Style – No 2nd person pronouns
No “to be” verbs
No passive voice
No umbrella words
No sentence begins with “There”
Sentence Variety – No more than ½ as “Subject first” pattern
Use at least three different openers/paragraph.
No More than ½ simple sentences
No two sentence starts with the same word
Writer generates an average of 22-24 Average words per sentence
Parallelism – Writer uses parallel grammatical structures within sentences/paragraphs to create transition, emphasis, and sophistication.